You Think Nevada Is UGLY?... Try It For 18 Hours...

The title of this blog was befitting of the morning of November 26, 2005. It was the day that I was supposed to take Jane back to Oregon, and the forecast was precisely 28 degrees and a chance of snow. Actually, it snowed profusely that day. My father and I started our trip that morning at about 4 a.m. and made it 50 miles out of town only to turn around only to travel another day. It was an incredible blizzard. My ex-wife of course had issues with the change in plans and threatened to sick the police on me for being outside of my visitation rights since I decided to delay the trip a day, but Sunday proved a better day for traveling and so that’s what we did. Sunday we left later, at about 8 a.m. and drove to Lakeview, OR, dropped off Jane to her mother and grandfather, turned around and came back. We arrived home about 1:30 a.m. almost 18 hours later and tired as can be.
The trip back to Oregon is always bitter sweet. I have a heavy heart every time I return Jane to her mother, basking in the wonderful time we spent together but not knowing when I will see my girls next. I hate taking Jane back to her mother. The exchange that I had with my ex-wife reminded me of the environment to which she lives and the contempt that she has for me. Jane had a great time while she was here; she bonded with her step-mom, saw her grandparents and spend some quality time with me, DAD. She is so curious and sweet, she just warms my heart. On top of that, there wasn’t a moment where that little girl didn’t feel special and loved while she was here. It just gets under my skin the way that my contribution to the lives of my children is discounted by my ex-wife and the anger and attitude that she displays. I must just remain focused on what is best for the children that I have and not let her try to intimidate me into submission. I get so thrown off by what Marla and her family expect from me. The latest beef is over money; which is funny because there will be a time when I am caught up on my support and I am curious what will be the objection then. Regardless of the eternal ramifications of our divorce, my girls need me in their lives; I am their father and NO one will ever replace me. I get so frustrated with the tone that I have no place in their lives...
Anyway, today I am battling a cold that I think was the aggregate effect of days of little sleep, 18 hours of driving and the emotions of the week. Thank heavens for a nice, comfortable bed. I am working today out of my home office, something which has made me realize that I can live anywhere that I want and still work as long as I have high speed internet, my cell phone and computer. I will need to move within the next few months, and where we end up moving is up in the air as I become more productive at home. For now, this will do.
I really miss my girls today… the wait until I see them again has started…

It’s the Friday after thanksgiving… and the day before my return drive back to Oregon with my oldest daughter. This time Doug won’t be with me, it will be my father. Also, it won’t be a two day trip; it will be a one day whammy. We are meeting my ex-wife at the ¾ way point, so my dad and I will leave early tomorrow morning and meet the ex, drop off Jane and drive back all in the same day. My dad has done this trip with me before, they were here at Christmas time last year and it was the same trip. Last years trip was a lot more dramatic than this years will be, but it is still a very emotionally draining experience. This week has been a great week, the first couple days before my wife returned home made it so it was just me and Jane, and I really cherished that time. Once my wife, stepson and parents arrived we had a full house and it was good to see things start to be able to really blend with our families. Dorian and Jane did fine together, both of them are the oldest children in their families and so both are very headstrong and territorial about their space. At first I think that it was new for Jane to have another child in the home that she once lived in, but she did fine as I expected. I felt somewhat sorry for Dorian, as the week wore on he became more and more aggressive about his space and attention from his mother, showing signs that he was feeling neglected. He wasn’t being neglected, I actually think that he received more attention than he normally does this week with all the people around, he just wasn’t the only child in the house and he struggled with it. He and Jane have very different personalities, Jane wears her feelings on her sleeve and is quick to voice her opinion. She tells you want she wants, she doesn’t bottle things up, she is a happy kid. Dorian has a very hard time communicating; he is very shy and doesn’t take to correction well. He has a very sweet disposition for the most part, but becomes withdrawn and introverted when he is in situations he may not like. I think he has been put off by Jane’s personality since she isn’t intimidated by him. The challenge that my wife will have is helping him to feel comfortable with himself and not have fear of failure. We have noticed in teaching him his letters, and counting that he would rather be giggly and act like he doesn’t know the answer then to try and not be right. The ironic part is he is most always right when he tries. I am sure as time goes by that the two of them will at least respect each other and enjoy the time they have together. I am hopeful that the next time that my kids come to town we will have a house were the kids won’t have to share a room. I think that will be a big help in the transition.
This week has given me a lot of strength. I have seen my wife start in the building of a relationship with my daughter. I have seen a different perspective and course of action for my relationship with Dorian. I have felt close to my daughter, needed by her and reminded that she will always love me as I love her. I have felt hope for a time when my youngest daughter will join me here with Jane on special holidays. My love grew for my wife, my daughters, my stepson, my parents, my friends. I feel happy. I will write again once I have returned home from my trip…

One Lambeau Leap Short of a Win...

Monday Night Football… I have an open invitation to the friends I have telling them that any Monday night my door is open to them to enjoy with me a great game of football. This season has had some great games; there was the Indianapolis vs. New England game, the Pittsburg vs. San Diego game and my personal favorite, the Monday Night Football opener, the Philadelphia Eagles vs. the Atlanta Falcons. (See Picture)
Football has been something that I have grown to love. I never played any sort of organized football in my youth, and even until a number of years ago thought that the game was boring and lacked the capacity to sustain interest. I have changed those thoughts, seeing that the reason for them was I didn’t understand the game. It is an extremely complicated game, full of strategy, scheme, team work, and individual achievement and politic. What helped to change my opinion and sparked my first real interest was the first time I ever saw Michael Vick play. He was coming back from a broken leg injury and rushed as the quarterback for a record setting 160+ yards against the Carolina Panthers (for the football illiterate, that means he ran the ball himself, not passed the football, not handed it off to a running back. A 160 yard game is stellar for a running back, out of this world for a quarterback). He is so inhumanly fast and has approached the quarterback position with such a different skill set that he has changed the game and forced defense to scheme something new to defend him. Not to mention, it is DARN entertaining to watch. I am a huge Atlanta Falcons fan, starting from that game on. I have no connection to Georgia, but I have visited and enjoy the way of life so I have decided to join the Falcon Nation. I have even started following the Auburn Tigers college football team (they are actually in Alabama, but close enough) so the south might draw me closer someday.
Today was the first day of Jane being here with me at home. My wife and stepson haven’t been here so it has been just the two of us. It has been so nice to be with her, I hope that she enjoys these days and times as much as I do. I cherish the memories that are made and they tide me over during the times until we are together again. I love with my whole heart and more the children that I have. Time is helping to heal us all and it will be so great to have my youngest daughter here when the time comes.
Another day of rambling is over. Tomorrow my Babe returns… I’m off to bed…

Did I Really Reference a Country Song?

Ahh, yes… my blog… I am writing this as I drive back from the aforementioned Oregon trip to pick up my oldest daughter, Jane. These past two days have been a milkshake of emotion. Seeing my kids, dealing with my ex-wife, learning to communicate with my wife, and then the exhaustion of travel all have their effects on me. Doug is with me, we left Salt Lake yesterday morning at 3:30 a.m. and traveled the 750+miles to Ashland, OR arriving to check into our hotel at 2:00 p.m. PST. The trip is geographically divided in half, one half all interstate and the other windy, two-lane roads through the back desert and mountains of Nevada and southern Oregon. The half that is two-lane road is very taxing; you must stay alert and can’t really speed, so it seems to take forever. Rural driving STINKS.
I have thought a lot about this blog. I started it with the intention to use it as a way to put to "paper" the harsh realities and feelings I have. I have found that as I introduce it to others that may be familiar with those for whom I write about I must be very careful what I say, for some things have no need to be recorded. I must practice discretion without compromising my own desire to share what I really feel. It forces me to be a better writer and place hints that trigger my own memory but not reveal more than is necessary. Having said that, when I arrived in Ashland yesterday it was great to immediately see my children; their mother brought them right to me. Of course, conflict ensued and I was again accused of things that are neither true nor warranted. I have gotten past the point where I even feel the need to justify myself or my life to anyone, especially her. Regardless, my kids see the goodness in me so it is always a wonderful thing to see them. I must admit, it was refreshing to have my friend witness first hand the craziness to which really must be seen to be believed.
After the transfer we took the kids to the store, got some necessities, went to the park, then the mall, then swimming back at the hotel. One of the traits that I love in my children is their blatant lack of fear for new experiences. They seem so comfortable in their own skin. Neither Jane nor Catherine can really swim, but they both are crazy for the water. Catherine would just walk to the edge of the pool, and jump right into the abyss. As I raised her from being totally submerged she would laugh at herself. Mind you, she is barely a year old, it was adorable. Jane has been taking swimming lessons, so she has learned some of the poolside etiquette but is still excited as can be to get wet. I love spending time with the girls…
As I have been away, my wife has also been traveling. Her ex-husband called earlier this week and offered to use buddy passes from a relative to get his son to Arizona for the weekend, and since he is only four my wife had to travel with him (her son, not the ex-husband). She has been staying with my parents while she has been there. Last night we were talking about how opposite our situations are with our kids. Her ex-husband moved away after their divorce saying that he had nothing in Utah to keep him there (I guess a son doesn’t count). He hasn’t paid any child support, rarely calls and when he wants to see his son his mind thinks that he must come to him. I, on the other hand have an ex-wife that moved away, mostly to get away from me, travel at great expense to see my kids, pay a TON of child support and go to my children. Irony is a befitting word for this situation. Throughout these past days, I have really missed my wife. Last night we had a roller coaster of a talk, laughed together, cried together and learned more about how to communicate with each other. I am reminded of what a great blessing she is to me with how patient she is in my shortcomings. I think that I am a good husband to her, and I know that I demand a lot, but she is such a wonderful woman and wife. I truly love and cherish her. My relationship with her is the one thing in my life where I will not allow myself to fail. I know that she is crucial to my spiritual happiness and well-being and I to hers. I read somewhere that a great reward takes an equal about of hard work. I have seen the truth of that.
Along those same lines, as I have had time to think these past few days I have wanted to be better in general. I was listening to a song on the other day that spoke of a man who was close to dying early in his life and that the perspective that experience gave him changed his actions. He lived life more fully, was quicker to forgive and was a better man. I feel the desire to do the same. I have made my mistakes, but as I am rounding the half way point of my thirtieth year I see it is up me to make my life what I want. I want to leave a legacy to my children and loved ones of a father/parent/husband whose actions proved his love of the Savior.
I have never really talked about this with anyone but my dad has had complications with his diabetes for a number of years. My parents visited my wife and I on the 4th of July weekend this past summer and that weekend the effect of those complications manifested themselves. Very early Sunday morning my dad woke to a horrible shortness of breath. He literally could not breathe. It was quite alarming, so I immediately took him to the local hospital. After about 12 hours of testing the doctors concluded that he had suffered a mild heart attack and diagnosed him with congestive heart failure. It was quite a stunning diagnosis, considering that since he acquired diabetes he has had issues with his feet (major discomfort, swelling etc.), significant weight gain, retinopathy (loss of eye sight) and now congestive heart failure. My family has always joked that it would be my mother that would pass on first considering her acute attention to any small discomfort she may have in her body, but for now it looks like it will be my dad that passes first (looks like God really does have a sense of humor...wink). I really love my dad, and top of that I really like my dad. He is a funny guy and shows a sharp wit. Not to mention he has a very kind heart… How I had not seen this coming is beyond me, and I guess that in my life I am still in the stage where I feel like a really old teenager; I haven’t accepted that death can play a factor in my life experiences, since I have never lost anybody close to me. I don’t know what will happen to my dad, but it likely that he will not live a full life. It has been estimated anywhere from five to twenty years, but regardless it is an inevitability that his heart condition will change his life, be it the quality of, or the duration.
This experience is a catalyst for my recent epiphanies. I have thought that I want to cherish more the time that I am able to spend with him. I have also looked at the situation differently in that I want to cherish all my life experiences with an increased appreciation. It is unfortunate that loss seems to always trigger a new perspective, but that’s life. I feel the timing of the coming holiday is appropriate for my thoughts. It will so wonderful to be surrounded by the people I love.

May the Heavens Be Thanked...

By the time this entry is posted, it will be after midnight, in the early morning of Tuesday, November 15, 2005. To me though, it’s still Monday. I started this day off to a not so good start, and to recap it really started Sunday evening. Let me explain…
I have a 4 and almost a half year old step son. For the most part, he is a very tender-hearted sweet little boy. He has been around a number of people in his life that have tremendous influence over him, and none of them are male. He has not had a real fatherly influence in his life, and has trouble with any sort of male authority figure, especially one that gets attention from his mother. I have always been a believer that it takes a man to raise a man, so my attempts to develop a relationship with him have been difficult considering that the only authority figures he has known in his life have been female. Reasons could be partly because he isn’t accustomed to me backing up his mother and enforcing boundaries, and partly because I have such an inclination to resent him based on that my own children live with their mother 800 miles away. It’s challenging at best. Last night was a peculiar night; he was in a rambunctious mood, and wanting to play. I indulged him, which I try to do as much as I can handle, and once again our play ended with him crying from too rough of horseplay. It needs to be said, I do not intentionally play rough with him. Small pillow fights, tickle fights or simple child’s play ends with tears, and I still don’t know where I went wrong in the many instances that have lead to the same end. It always makes me feel like a jerk, because I am always hopeful it will bring us closer together and I should now be able to tell when enough is enough and stop it appropriately. But I can’t, and Sunday night was no exception.
Whenever I am around my own children, I feel like a great dad. They can’t get enough of me, and we understand when enough is enough and how to play together. I am not to confident in my abilities as a step dad, and on top of that whenever there are issues between me and my stepson it lends me to feeling distanced from my wife. Last night after once again playing too rough with my step son I missed my own kids, felt like a bad step dad, and felt lonely. I really don’t like the feeling of loneliness. My wife, bless her heart, is as supportive as can be and reassures me that I am the one creating those feelings and that she doesn’t feel anything other than love for me when those things happen. But regardless, it is loneliness that I feel.
This morning I awoke with the residue of that experience still around me. I needed to have a good day. I have struggled in the last months in my career and know that in the sales field a good day is a state of mind and that I can literally will business to come to me. Instead of good start to the day, I got a call from my ex-wife in the morning hours and the end result of that call was me being called a liar, crazy, and a man that doesn’t care about his kids. This is on the week’s eve of me driving to Oregon to pick up my oldest daughter for a week with me and my family here for Thanksgiving. I want nothing more that to have a civil relationship with my ex-wife, but it doesn’t seem to be happening any time in the near future.
The details of our split are very ugly, and maybe one day I will feel the need to record them in my journal. The truth of the matter is that our split doesn’t break itself down to once particular instance, or day. My ex-wife would disagree, and from the experience I have since our split, she feels completely justified to be unrelenting in her associations with me and negates 9 years of relationship over a few months of indifference. I on the other hand, cannot get myself to hate her. Matter of fact, I keep subjecting myself to her anger by trying to be somewhat of a friend. Regardless of all these points of argument, our disputes are over money. I am behind in my $2000 a month support payment and she feels I am simply choosing not to pay her, when in reality I have not produced a significant income for a number of months; the reason I am behind. Anyway, our split was a long time coming, both of us making promises to each only to be broken. It could have been avoided, but it wasn’t and so we are left to pick up the pieces. I have spent the last year and a half trying to overcome the devastating effects of that break up, including the betrayal that I felt from plans her family made behind my back and her overall indifference that has surrounded my desires to be in the lives of my children. Today’s phone call left me wounded, hurt, and angry.
Thank heavens for friends. My wife was a true blessing to me today, as was a dear friend named Doug. That phone call left me reeling, and after talking things out and seeing the difference between accusation and reality, I asked Doug to give me a priesthood blessing. I have felt as if I have been doing everything that I can to be loyal to my Heavenly Father, so I needed some additional help, a parting of the clouds, if you will. I have always had great faith in the power of the priesthood, knowing that if the Lord had anything that I needed to hear, this was a powerful medium. The council I received was wonderful council. I was encouraged to continue reading my scriptures, praying and attending my meetings faithfully despite any resistance I might feel. I was reminded that the Lord loves me, dearly, and regardless of the mistakes I have made in the past that I am His son, and promised me that if I continue with the way that I have been living that I will have all that I have lost restored to me. It was made clear that I understand the way the Lord loves me without condition in similitude to the way I look at and love my children. I was reminded the real definition of faith. I was encouraged to keep a journal, to act as a gift for the times when I need to look part and see what I have been through and to bless my children in their later years so that they can see what I went through as we were apart. I was told my children are special children, prepared for what they would have to deal with before they came to this world. I was reminded that my children and I share a spiritual connection all of us will recognize as we look back together in our latter years. I was commanded to be charitable, loving and to study the words of Ezra Taft Benson to understand pride, and to rid myself of it. I was ultimately commanded to write down what I am thankful for daily.
This little history of today was merely a preface to that final commandment. Despite bad days, I have been blessed in my life. I am grateful that through my experiences I have gained a wisdom that I did not have before. I have learned the reality of the atonement of Jesus Christ and the depths of His willingness to forgive. Being a father has allowed me to understand unconditional love, which was something I didn’t understand before. I am grateful for my wonderful children, and the people that they are. I am grateful for truth, be it true friends, true doctrine, true love or true happiness. I am grateful for my family and their support. I am grateful for my loving wife and her example of strength to me and her ability to unconditionally love me in return. I know of the power of the scriptures and the effect for good that they can have in your life, and the strength that comes from following the council of a prophet. I have so much for which to be grateful.
Herein concludes today’s post. I feel relieved and blessed having shared these feelings to the page. I’ll write more tomorrow.

How could the Falcons Lose??

Today I have not been into to it. If I were to write down on paper what I have done today it would seem like a run of the mill Sunday and that I did things that were for my benefit, but as I said, I have not been into it. I did things today out of duty, and it feels like I might as well have not done any of them. I woke up late and went to church alone; my stepson and my wife are somewhat of a package deal when it comes to church, so when she doesn’t go with me, I go alone. I could probably change that but I don’t feel the need to subject myself to that kind of rejection this early in my step parental relationship as my stepson is very clingy to his mother. The talks at church were on things that are difficult for me to hear, especially alone. My current ward is one where my former spouse attended with me so there are people I see every Sunday that were apart of the separation that occurred and know entirely too much dirt on me. Plus, for reasons I don’t feel at liberty to go into I am not able to really participate much. SO…days like today are not much fun. Worst of all… The Atlanta Falcons lost to the 1-7 Green Bay Packers…FOR THE LOVE??!!! Now it is the evening and I am bored out of my mind. So, today’s entry isn’t that important but I wanted to write. Anyway, my rant is over.
The next few weeks should be good weeks. I have business that is keeping me occupied and should give me the resources I need for the coming holiday season. Next weekend I leave to go to Oregon to see my kids and pick up my oldest daughter to bring her back here to my home for the Thanksgiving holiday. My parents are also coming to town for that holiday, so it will be a full house. It will be hard to not have my youngest daughter with me, but over time she will join her sister in the visits to Dad’s house. I really have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.
I am sure that as time goes on I will become more candid in my writings in my blog. I have a lot of things in my head I don’t think I am ready to spill yet. The life that I have lived has a plethora of things to which I could write about, and I am sure that I will. But for now, this will do.

Lee Greenwood Rules...

I missed yesterday for writing. Oh well, it was Veteran’s Day and I can pretend that I was spending time honoring veterans. I wasn’t, in my line of work I deal with banks, lenders, title companies and ultimately clients. Three of those four weren’t available so I spent the day working out and running errands with my wife. Being that yesterday was a federal holiday to celebrate the men and woman who died for the freedom of this country it might be worthwhile to comment on that subject.
My dad was in the military when I was very young. I was actually born in the city where he was stationed with his particular branch of the armed forces. While he was in basic training he received a reward that singled him out for extraordinary achievement within his particular group of men, about 1000 people. I know that it was an achieve that helped him to see that he had ability to rise above mediocrity and be successful. More importantly, for that time in his life he felt successful.
I have seen other men in similar situations use the armed forces as a stepping stone to become more than they would have made of themselves otherwise. My heritage has a history of men that have dedicated a great portion of their lives to that cause. I never saw that route as one for me, but I respect what the sacrifice that endeavor represents.
Our country has been in somewhat of a confusing time recently. It is not surprising that with all of the different opinions on the Presidential Administration and the handling of conflict after September 11 that some might over look the role that the individual plays in upholding the ideals for which our country stands. Behind each soldier is a story. All have families, all are children, some are parents…brothers, sisters, and friends. Past or present, each has a very personal dedication to freedom and wishes a safe return home after justice has been restored. Whatever personal agenda might have lead each soldier to join, it cannot be overlooked the sacrifice that each has to our county; a sacrifice that could ultimately end in death. I repeat that despite the personal opinion that we have on why they are fighting, the individual is what makes it possible to defend freedom. I hope that each of us will examine our own dedication to freedom and see where we might contribute more fully. Whether it be being more tolerant to those who don’t think like we do, holding true to what we know is right, or extending ourselves to others, I implore that we might be more like the men and woman that defend our country.

I Did It, the Most Powerful Tool in Singing Technology Since Yodeling

What should today’s entry be about? I have been teetering in what exactly I should use this blog for, should it be a journal, a discussion board, or a place for me just to tell stories and allow whomever wants to comment run amuck? I guess that I could just spill on the screen and see what comes of it. I think that’s I will do.
My name is Bryce Prescott; I am a 30 year old mortgage broker that lives in Salt Lake City, UT. I am a twice married, once divorced, father of two daughters, step dad to one son. I am a follower of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and served a full-time mission in the country of Brazil for two years. My formal education consists of a few semesters of Spokane Falls Community College and likewise at Brigham Young University. I have gone to school formally, but my education in business and such has come from a variety of different ventures that I have been a part of. As a mortgage broker I have been originating loans for a number of years and have seen the literal play out in my life of either feast or famine. Before that I was a pawn in the ski industry, taking jobs in various rental shops as a diversion to feed an addition that I have of snow and the winter season. Skied A LOT…it was fun. Truth be told, I would love a return to that industry...I kept gambling that I could make it into the inner circle of people that can actually make a career of working at a resort. Either it wasn’t in the cards or I wasn’t patient enough to wait my turn. Either way, life happened in the mix of it and here I am. Once I started my career as a mortgage broker I have ran a company, been apart of the starting of a real estate brokerage, cut out of that same deal, and now built my own business to try to make this work the way that I am hoping.
As I recount these happenings in my life, what I see is that all this really has nothing to do with who I am. This past year I have dealt with life changes and circumstances that have really forced me to take a hard look at who I am and what I want out of life. The thing about mistakes is that once you make them you have absolute knowledge of the outcome, and if you allow it, that knowledge can guide you to never take the first step that lead to the mistake in the first place. Absence does make the heart grow fonder… The past is the past, and although the consequence of the past will always be there the outcome of the future is still up for grabs. I firmly believe that.
I consider myself fairly opinionated, yet I am always interested in why people feel the way they do just as much as what they think. I am also a somewhat sensitive creature, which I believe is a trait that stems from my desire to be thorough. Looking at all possible interpretations, hoping that those around me will do the same to me…Being thorough has helped me to succeed in the different projects to which I have been a part. Also, my ability to adapt and adapt quickly to what is around me has helped me rise to the top. What has lead to my failure in my various projects is my own selfishness and lack of patience to the desired result that I want. I get very shortsighted at times and it has gotten the best of me and the most inopportune times. I can go into more detail of that later.
Anyway, as time goes on so will my ramblings. I love life and love the release of that writing gives me. Day three… OUT.

Day Two... Cerebreal Vomit

Here's day two... and the only thing that i can think about is Terrell Owens. I guess that's not true, there are my other issues i think about, but the T.O. issue has the most juice. For those not in the know, T.O. is (was?) a wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles and was most recently suspended for "conduct detrimental to the team." He has had a history of being a loud mouth and calling out his teammates and organization for actions that he didn't agree with. Whatever the issues that the Eagles had with him, the media has ripped him up and down as a selfish guy with no ulterior motives other than money and attention. Last night as I lay in bed watching SportsCenter a new development transpired in this drama of a story. T.O.'s agent, Drew Rosenhaus organized a press conference at T.O.'s house in New Jersey with Terrell reading what seemed a heart felt apology and the his agent answering questions. The funniest question that was asked to Drew Rosenhaus was "Besides getting Terrell kicked off the team, what else as an agent have you done for him?" Then in the background you see T.O. smirk and then cover his mouth as he almost gives an out loud laugh. It was great. I guess the beef that I have with this whole story is how T.O. has been thrown under the bus. I saw a new angle to this story last night... T.O. isn't as selfish as everyone thinks. Sure, he does have somewhat of the prima donna thing going on around him, but it is undeniable that he is an elite player that requires the same level of commitment from those around him. This latest controversy stems from his comments about his quarterback, Donavan McNabb and how D.M hasn't been playing well. What is being forgotten is that he is accurate in his gripes with his team. They have played horrible and politically correct or not D. McNabb stunk up the Super Bowl last year and hasn't played well this year at all. So, follow me on my new take on this situation... Let's look at what T.O. has done in his career. He is 3rd in NFL career receptions and 1st in touchdown catches for active receivers yet is paid as if he were in the mid 20's. He will turn 32 years old on December 7 and is in top physical condition. (I mean TOP, not a physical flaw) He plays angry, runs angry, wins angry. He has an intense focus for winning, and except for last year's Eagles team he hasn't been with any organization that has really won much of anything. Last year, in the Super Bowl he came back early from an injury to his ankle, against doctor's orders to play and help his team. He had a great game in the loss to the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Last summer in attempts to renegotiate his contract to make things more fair financially for him and pay him the way that a receiver of his caliber should be paid the Eagles organization do not even consider a new contract meanwhile T.O. still shows up to training camp ready to practice and play. With the taste of being close to having a Super Bowl ring on his hand, the Eagles get hounded in the season opener this year in Atlanta and all of a sudden you see the evidence that this same Eagles team is relying on reputation, not reality for the way that the media perceives them as a team. Through all this, T.O. still produced elite caliber numbers. What I see in T.O. is not a selfish prick, but a winner that will not accept anything less from himself than he would from his team. The Eagles will lose a great player when this is all said and done. I didn't realize that the NFL owners could require such sweat and determination from their players, and then act like a beaten stepchild on Dr. Phil when their players require the same from them.

What a bleak way to start...

I always seem to have so much bottled up inside of me. Especially lately as the time continues to pass and the consequence of my actions more present itself in my life. My emotions are so close to the surface, and the calls to heaven for reprieve of this heart ache are scattered in their answers. Every now and then I will find my eyes welling with tears and overflowing as thoughts come to my heart of the children to which I am far away. My beautiful daughters in their infancy are not close to the man that helped bring them into the world. Tragedy is not even a word that comes close to describing how devastating it can be. How my life can move on in such a way is beyond me and my understanding. I am prayerful that this can change and we undo was has been done.
My oldest daughter is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I say this not to single out my youngest daughter, or to discount the possibility that God has in sending more beloved children my way, but as a strict reality. Recently I spent some time together with her, and the two of us were able to have some much needed daddy-daughter time. Her kind and gentle nature is reminiscent of her mother back when things were good and true. I feel a special bond with her, and I am certain that as I pray and request that the Lord touch her soul and communicate to her the deep love I have for her my prayer is answered. I am excited to see her grow old, and hope that the mistakes that I have made that caused her mother and I to no longer love each other be made better through years of care and that she can see through our mistakes and feel deeply the love that we have for her. I have felt impressions that in the later years of her life that she would live with me and be able to make up for the time lost. Maybe it will happen that way, maybe my heart searches for something to make the hurt worth it. Who knows…?
I am starting this blog with this entry. As it unfolds, I will bare more of my soul and the situation that I have of a life to the world. I will share my opinions on a variety of sorts, and all for the sake of exposing myself (metaphorically speaking) to the world. It is a love letter of sorts, albeit at times a sorrowful one, to the people that I miss dearly and the world to which I am not a part of. It is also to those that make up the world in which I now live and an epistle to my loved ones. Welcome to my life, you can call me Bryce…