It’s the Friday after thanksgiving… and the day before my return drive back to Oregon with my oldest daughter. This time Doug won’t be with me, it will be my father. Also, it won’t be a two day trip; it will be a one day whammy. We are meeting my ex-wife at the ¾ way point, so my dad and I will leave early tomorrow morning and meet the ex, drop off Jane and drive back all in the same day. My dad has done this trip with me before, they were here at Christmas time last year and it was the same trip. Last years trip was a lot more dramatic than this years will be, but it is still a very emotionally draining experience. This week has been a great week, the first couple days before my wife returned home made it so it was just me and Jane, and I really cherished that time. Once my wife, stepson and parents arrived we had a full house and it was good to see things start to be able to really blend with our families. Dorian and Jane did fine together, both of them are the oldest children in their families and so both are very headstrong and territorial about their space. At first I think that it was new for Jane to have another child in the home that she once lived in, but she did fine as I expected. I felt somewhat sorry for Dorian, as the week wore on he became more and more aggressive about his space and attention from his mother, showing signs that he was feeling neglected. He wasn’t being neglected, I actually think that he received more attention than he normally does this week with all the people around, he just wasn’t the only child in the house and he struggled with it. He and Jane have very different personalities, Jane wears her feelings on her sleeve and is quick to voice her opinion. She tells you want she wants, she doesn’t bottle things up, she is a happy kid. Dorian has a very hard time communicating; he is very shy and doesn’t take to correction well. He has a very sweet disposition for the most part, but becomes withdrawn and introverted when he is in situations he may not like. I think he has been put off by Jane’s personality since she isn’t intimidated by him. The challenge that my wife will have is helping him to feel comfortable with himself and not have fear of failure. We have noticed in teaching him his letters, and counting that he would rather be giggly and act like he doesn’t know the answer then to try and not be right. The ironic part is he is most always right when he tries. I am sure as time goes by that the two of them will at least respect each other and enjoy the time they have together. I am hopeful that the next time that my kids come to town we will have a house were the kids won’t have to share a room. I think that will be a big help in the transition.
This week has given me a lot of strength. I have seen my wife start in the building of a relationship with my daughter. I have seen a different perspective and course of action for my relationship with Dorian. I have felt close to my daughter, needed by her and reminded that she will always love me as I love her. I have felt hope for a time when my youngest daughter will join me here with Jane on special holidays. My love grew for my wife, my daughters, my stepson, my parents, my friends. I feel happy. I will write again once I have returned home from my trip…