The title of this blog was befitting of the morning of November 26, 2005. It was the day that I was supposed to take Jane back to Oregon, and the forecast was precisely 28 degrees and a chance of snow. Actually, it snowed profusely that day. My father and I started our trip that morning at about 4 a.m. and made it 50 miles out of town only to turn around only to travel another day. It was an incredible blizzard. My ex-wife of course had issues with the change in plans and threatened to sick the police on me for being outside of my visitation rights since I decided to delay the trip a day, but Sunday proved a better day for traveling and so that’s what we did. Sunday we left later, at about 8 a.m. and drove to Lakeview, OR, dropped off Jane to her mother and grandfather, turned around and came back. We arrived home about 1:30 a.m. almost 18 hours later and tired as can be.
The trip back to Oregon is always bitter sweet. I have a heavy heart every time I return Jane to her mother, basking in the wonderful time we spent together but not knowing when I will see my girls next. I hate taking Jane back to her mother. The exchange that I had with my ex-wife reminded me of the environment to which she lives and the contempt that she has for me. Jane had a great time while she was here; she bonded with her step-mom, saw her grandparents and spend some quality time with me, DAD. She is so curious and sweet, she just warms my heart. On top of that, there wasn’t a moment where that little girl didn’t feel special and loved while she was here. It just gets under my skin the way that my contribution to the lives of my children is discounted by my ex-wife and the anger and attitude that she displays. I must just remain focused on what is best for the children that I have and not let her try to intimidate me into submission. I get so thrown off by what Marla and her family expect from me. The latest beef is over money; which is funny because there will be a time when I am caught up on my support and I am curious what will be the objection then. Regardless of the eternal ramifications of our divorce, my girls need me in their lives; I am their father and NO one will ever replace me. I get so frustrated with the tone that I have no place in their lives...
Anyway, today I am battling a cold that I think was the aggregate effect of days of little sleep, 18 hours of driving and the emotions of the week. Thank heavens for a nice, comfortable bed. I am working today out of my home office, something which has made me realize that I can live anywhere that I want and still work as long as I have high speed internet, my cell phone and computer. I will need to move within the next few months, and where we end up moving is up in the air as I become more productive at home. For now, this will do.
I really miss my girls today… the wait until I see them again has started…
No comments:
Post a Comment