"Am I Buggin' Ya? Don't Mean To Bug Ya..."

Christmas Day… it’s that time of year. I haven’t written in my blog for a spell, I believe that it’s going on two weeks. That is not really the time table I would like to keep especially considering the pace in which my life seems to keep. In the past two weeks a lot has happened; my business has taken a turn for the better in a big way, I was able to go see the greatest band EVER perform as they passed through town, (U2, for any that might have questioned) I have felt closer to the Savior this time of year and generally have an outlook for the future that seems to be more healthy than times passed. All those things are blessing to my life and I wish to document them.
As today is the time when we celebrate the birth of the Savior I wanted to share a very strange epiphany that I had recently. Hopefully it won’t come off sacrilegious, because it isn’t meant that way. A few things have happened that have lead up to these thoughts. Here goes…
I have been on a U2 kick ever since the concert. If you have never been to a live show, GO. They are literally the best band in the world and their show is second to none. Songs that have spanned their entire career were played and they were as crisp and interesting as the first time I heard them. They really are a sum greater than the whole of its parts. Anyway, I have been listening to their entire anthology recently and have rediscovered some of the great songs that I hadn’t heard in a while. I have been gaining an even deeper appreciation for the lyrics they write; the perspective, the stories, the imagery…all of it. Songs that I originally thought were strictly love songs have taken on new meanings, songs to parents, songs to children, songs to people I love. There isn’t really anything negative that I can say about that experience. PART ONE…
Back in August the President of the Church encouraged the members to read the Book of Mormon in its entirety by the end of the year. I took that challenge seriously and had been reading on a pretty regular basis keeping up with a pace that would allow me to have it finished by next week. In October the talks at General Conference continued with this encouragement and bore testimony to the rewards promised by keeping this commandment. In my prayers I promised my Heavenly Father that I would do what He has asked and read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I am not done yet; two days ago I finished the book of Ether, meaning that all that’s left is the book of Moroni for me to read. (10 pages or so…) I sat on my couch feeling a love of that book and a confidence grow in myself that I was capable of keeping the Lord’s commandments. I felt such a relief come over me in that confidence. It is true that the Lord provides ways for His children to do what they should. It just takes faith. My faith is growing. PART TWO…

Lyrics to the song “Until the End of the World:”

Haven't seen you in quite a while
I was down the hold, just passing time.
Last time we met it was a low-lit room
We were as close together as a bride and groom.
We ate the food, we drank the wine
Everybody having a good time except you.
You were talking about the end of the world.

I took the money, I spiked your drink
You miss too much these days if you stop to think.
You led me on with those innocent eyes
And you know I love the element of surprise.
In the garden I was playing the tart
I kissed your lips and broke your heart.
You, you were acting like it was the end of the world.

In my dream, I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows they'd learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
Waves of regret and waves of joy.
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy.
You, you said you'd wait till the end of the world.

Years ago when I first heard that song I understood the lyrics as somewhat of a sorrowful love song where in a selfish lover scorned another. I understood the lyric “in the garden I was playing the tart” to be “playing guitar” and other small misquotes that added up to have me look at the whole of the song as meaning something entirely different. (read the words again, you’ll see what I mean…) A few days ago I was watching a documentary on one of the U2 DVD’s that I have and it spoke of how when that song was written Bono intended the lyrics to be from the point of view of Judas Iscariot, the apostle that betrayed the Savior. I found that extremely interesting but it was only until I had actually heard the song again after that description was it that it took shape. If you listen to that song, or even read the lyrics you see that it can have that perspective if you let it. By removing the sometimes sexual connotation of “tart” and see the word meaning “one of ethical looseness” you can almost see Judas kissing the Savior as the sign that He was the one. The final verse of that song is the one that sums all of this together, Judas being overcome by his sorrows reaches out to whom he knew all along was the one who could redeem him; and the notion that “[He’d] wait till the end of the world” is a reminded of the depths of the willingness that Jesus has to forgive even the most vile of betrayers. PART THREE…
To wrap it up, the thread that weaves all these experiences together is that it is possible to see the evidence of a loving God in every place you look. This is not “philosophies of men, mingled with scripture.” It is not meant to be even an example of how we are allowed to stoop to the level that Judas did and expect forgiveness. My epiphany is that you are able to draw off of any number of good things in our lives to bring you closer to God. I have drawn real life experiences, some secular, and some spiritual to be reminded of these simple truths: Jesus Christ is real. He was born, He lived and He died for us. He is the Son of God. He atoned for our sins. He is the one to which we must seek redemption in our lives, and He is the one who will grant it. I didn’t learn these things in the classroom of the world, but see the hints of truth there as I look. The example of Jesus is one that we should look toward, especially this day.
I end this blog entry with an invitation. I encourage any who may read my words to seek out the Judas of their lives, and forgive. I know that freedom will come as will peace of mind. Merry Christmas…

Check The Pic... 18 Feet Above The Knuckle

This is a week of firsts for me. I skied for the first time this winter on Wednesday, a day that was not your typical first ski day. A friend of mine, Jason Jones and I went to Alta on the day after a magnificent storm that left both the valley and the mountains covered in snow. The morning snow report totaled 24 inches of snow over night, a total which didn’t reflect how much snow was actually there being that the storm was a five day storm that started the Saturday before. I haven’t started a season with that much snow since the winter a few years back where Snowbird got 100 inches in 100 hours. Incredible snow, fresh lines with no tracks and BLUE skies made for a day that has made me want to get back into that lifestyle in a very real way. My cousin Jake works at Brighton and told me that we can exploit one of the perks that he has and I can ski with him every Wednesday for free. I am gearing up for this coming Wednesday, so that I can break out a pair of skis that I haven’t skied yet, the Gun Lab from Salomon. I have a connection with the rep from Salomon Skis here in the Salt Lake area that I have had since my days at Deer Valley in the mid 90’s. I was able to get my hands on a very exclusive pair of skis and they are ripe for the picking. I haven’t been this excited about skiing for a few years.
Another first from this week is an effect of that day of skiing. I lost my first toe nail ever this week. The day I went skiing was 4 degrees F at the base of the mountain, an even colder underneath the fresh snow that had fallen. I have had issues with my feet for a number of years stemming from my masochistic desire to wear ski boots that are so tight that insulation is at a minimum. With it being such a cold day coupled with my boots my big toes on each foot was numb for hours after I pulled my boots off. At first I thought that I had serious frost bite on my left foot because of how black it was but later realized that I had just jammed my feet into the boots without the conditioning of a few days of normal skiing before going into a more jarring skiing of powder and deep snow. After the black wouldn’t go away I pricked a hole in the top of my toe nail and released all the pressure from the fluid and a day later my toe nail was off. It was pretty gross, but extremely interesting in the same light.
Today is Sunday again, and it was another good Sabbath. I wasn’t feeling it at church, but I felt a gust of encouragement come my way as the bishop called me out of gospel doctrine class to talk to me about my situation and give me a chance to report. It was the first time in a long time that I felt that the Lord specifically use His Spirit to prompt someone in my behalf and the person acted upon it to give me encouragement. I really appreciate when the Lord sees fit to do that, it reminds me of how mindful he is of me and how He really does want me to be happy. Plus, it made the church services worthwhile; elder’s quorum was ridiculous today. Personal opinion mingled with quotes from the manual make for a day when no real doctrine was taught. One comment made the day for me, one of the teachers asked a question that solicited answers from opposite ends of the spectrum and made for a discussion with no resolve when out of the blue Tim Brooks says, “What does the manual say…?” Classic… Days like today make me glad that I am not allowed to participate, there is no pressure to try to steer the train wreck. “Those who have the capacity to take action must take action…” Not today…lol. After church I took a very long nap and got the rest I have needed to have all week. I watched a movie with my wife, read my scriptures and now am updating my blog. Good day.
I will soon write more. Today’s entry is kind of like me, a bit too in depth on topics that have no real relevance and scattered. See you soon…

'Tis the Season...

Tonight was the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. I love it whenever I can fill me home with hymns of the Savior and words of the prophets. It has been a good Sabbath day, and these are the feelings that are probing my thoughts into words. Every Christmas season is such a great opportunity to practice the Spirit of Christmas and look to others to give. I love this time of year…especially the reminders that I have given to me to look past the commercial meaning of this holiday and look toward the very reason we celebrate. I have been made acutely aware of the great need that I have for my Savior in my life and I feel the need to express it to Him in this entry. I am grateful for Jesus Christ.
I know that this will not be the last time I write about Christmas in my blog. The Spirit of Christmas seems to manifest itself to me in a very real and personal way sometimes catching me off guard. The music of the season, the manner in which forgiveness is granted, the increased sensitivity to the Spirit is all things I love about this time of year. My mind is called up to reflection upon the blessings to which I have been blessed and the way the Lord is mindful of me. I am unsure of what this season will bring to me but I know that I will be reminded of the love that my Savior and Heavenly Father have for me.
I am hopeful to see my children this Christmas season. It has deteriorated to the point that I have only the time allotted to me legally to be with my children and I make full intent to use it. My wife and I are making efforts to travel to be with them at least for the days preceding the 25th. Even though it has only been a week now that my oldest has been back in Oregon I miss her dearly. Last year at this time I had her here with me for almost 9 days and it was a blessing to be with her. I want to add my youngest to that and spend as much time as possible with them. I have prayed earnestly that this may happen and I hope that my prayers will be answered. My two girls are a piece of heaven and I love them dearly.
A few entries back I wrote of a priesthood blessing that I received and council that accompanied it. One of the items that I was encouraged to do was to read from the talk “Beware of Pride” by President Ezra Taft Benson and to rid my life of pride. The other night my wife and I read those words before we went to bed. I love that talk… My understanding of pride has increased, and even though I have read that talk before at various times in my life I learned something new. The root of pride is enmity, or a form of competition, if you will. Pitting my will, desires, accomplishments, deeds, love, etc. against another’s is where the sin takes hold of my heart. More than ever in my life I feel that my Heavenly Father has put me in a position to seek only for His approval, and none else. It has been a challenging experience at best being reminded that it is ultimately only the Lord that needs to approve of my actions, service, repentance, charity etc. I have felt somewhat personally devastated from what I have felt is unfair judgments from others; especially in the association that I have with my ex-wife and her blatant disregard of anything decent about me. At times I have felt alone and without encouragement. My feelings were unwarranted, and ultimately wrong seeing that I measured my position in the eyes of God solely on the impression and opinion of others. I have made grave mistakes in my life and I know that the effect of those mistakes I will deal with for the remainder of my life, but I have repented for those mistakes and the reconciliation I have made with the Lord is undeniable and real. It still saddens me when I am faced with opposition from others who see me as a manifestation of my mistakes, instead of seeing the efforts I make to right what I am empowered to make right. As I wrote before, I have no need to dwell on those assumptions as long as I doing whatever I can to make sure that I am aligning my will with that of the Lord’s. I have already fallen, and so I make no pretense that I am not aware what can happen when the distraction of the world enters into your life. At this time of year I feel more the redeeming love of an atoning Savior. I feel more holiness in my life and blessing come from following the word’s of the prophet. I feel more close to the Savior.
The emotions of this day are tender and close to the heart. I hope that my love for my family and Savior has been passed on this day.