Tonight was the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. I love it whenever I can fill me home with hymns of the Savior and words of the prophets. It has been a good Sabbath day, and these are the feelings that are probing my thoughts into words. Every Christmas season is such a great opportunity to practice the Spirit of Christmas and look to others to give. I love this time of year…especially the reminders that I have given to me to look past the commercial meaning of this holiday and look toward the very reason we celebrate. I have been made acutely aware of the great need that I have for my Savior in my life and I feel the need to express it to Him in this entry. I am grateful for Jesus Christ.
I know that this will not be the last time I write about Christmas in my blog. The Spirit of Christmas seems to manifest itself to me in a very real and personal way sometimes catching me off guard. The music of the season, the manner in which forgiveness is granted, the increased sensitivity to the Spirit is all things I love about this time of year. My mind is called up to reflection upon the blessings to which I have been blessed and the way the Lord is mindful of me. I am unsure of what this season will bring to me but I know that I will be reminded of the love that my Savior and Heavenly Father have for me.
I am hopeful to see my children this Christmas season. It has deteriorated to the point that I have only the time allotted to me legally to be with my children and I make full intent to use it. My wife and I are making efforts to travel to be with them at least for the days preceding the 25th. Even though it has only been a week now that my oldest has been back in Oregon I miss her dearly. Last year at this time I had her here with me for almost 9 days and it was a blessing to be with her. I want to add my youngest to that and spend as much time as possible with them. I have prayed earnestly that this may happen and I hope that my prayers will be answered. My two girls are a piece of heaven and I love them dearly.
A few entries back I wrote of a priesthood blessing that I received and council that accompanied it. One of the items that I was encouraged to do was to read from the talk “Beware of Pride” by President Ezra Taft Benson and to rid my life of pride. The other night my wife and I read those words before we went to bed. I love that talk… My understanding of pride has increased, and even though I have read that talk before at various times in my life I learned something new. The root of pride is enmity, or a form of competition, if you will. Pitting my will, desires, accomplishments, deeds, love, etc. against another’s is where the sin takes hold of my heart. More than ever in my life I feel that my Heavenly Father has put me in a position to seek only for His approval, and none else. It has been a challenging experience at best being reminded that it is ultimately only the Lord that needs to approve of my actions, service, repentance, charity etc. I have felt somewhat personally devastated from what I have felt is unfair judgments from others; especially in the association that I have with my ex-wife and her blatant disregard of anything decent about me. At times I have felt alone and without encouragement. My feelings were unwarranted, and ultimately wrong seeing that I measured my position in the eyes of God solely on the impression and opinion of others. I have made grave mistakes in my life and I know that the effect of those mistakes I will deal with for the remainder of my life, but I have repented for those mistakes and the reconciliation I have made with the Lord is undeniable and real. It still saddens me when I am faced with opposition from others who see me as a manifestation of my mistakes, instead of seeing the efforts I make to right what I am empowered to make right. As I wrote before, I have no need to dwell on those assumptions as long as I doing whatever I can to make sure that I am aligning my will with that of the Lord’s. I have already fallen, and so I make no pretense that I am not aware what can happen when the distraction of the world enters into your life. At this time of year I feel more the redeeming love of an atoning Savior. I feel more holiness in my life and blessing come from following the word’s of the prophet. I feel more close to the Savior.
The emotions of this day are tender and close to the heart. I hope that my love for my family and Savior has been passed on this day.
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