I might as well use my time while I am here… It’s Sunday evening once again and I am in Surprise, Arizona visiting my family. On Friday I went to Boise to pick up my children; drove them to Salt Lake and then Saturday drove here with the rest of my family. I am feeling spent as it has been quite a bit a driving over the last few days. Add to that I personally feel that Arizona is hell’s waiting room; the temperature was 114 degrees today. I have vowed to never come to Arizona again unless after October 15th and before April 15th.
It has been a great couple of days so far. Having my children around is one of the most rewarding blessings of my life. I love each one of them with such a fondness… Jane is not only my daughter but my friend, I enjoy just being around her and watching her grow into a wonderful person. Throughout this trip her and Dorian would sing different kids songs together; Itsy Bitsy Spider, ABC’s, Take Me Out to the Ball Game etc. Today she just started singing I am a child of God, all by herself. Even though it may seem insignificant it made my heart swell… She is definitely a toddler, she has her fits and tantrums like the rest of them but I feel that fatherly connection with her and sense the same love towards me from her. I am lucky to be her dad… and Catherine; that little girl is such a riot. So full of energy and joy… always talking, never afraid to smile and loves everyone. I love the moments with her where she seems me a yells “Daddy!” I have always felt a fear that I would not be able to have the kind of relationship that she deserves because of the distance that she has living with her mother, but I have been reminded that she too knows that I am her father and wants my love and attention. She is just so loving…She has even been overly affectionate with my mother; which warms my heart. Jane was always somewhat reserved with my mom and I think that it might have hurt her feelings a bit. Not Catherine… loves Grandma and shows it….
On the drive down here we brought a book called “Just Like Daddy.” I don’t know who the author is, but it’s a children’s book that talks of things that children see and feel and how it’s just like daddy; hence the name of the book. Actually, every page ends with the phrase “just like daddy.” As we were driving here Amie was reading the book to the kids and Jane would freely repeat “just like daddy.” Amie then started adlibbing and saying things that I do while ending with “just like daddy.” Some of the things that we being said about me were very endearing and the kids agreed enthusiastically. It caused me to think about it thinking it was the first time that I can recall being celebrated as a father to my kids. This past Father’s Day I didn’t get to talk to my kids; for whatever reason they did not call. I know that at their age they don’t understand but nonetheless it left a bitterness that took me a few days to get over. I love my kids and despite what mistakes I have made in the past I am doing all possible to make it as right as I can so that they know of my love for them and my dedication to the Lord. Until they get to be the age where they understand what all this means I will continue with my efforts even if it goes unnoticed.
As we were driving here I noticed a very enlightening coincidence and decided this should be the place to record it. We drove to Arizona through Las Vegas and the last leg of this trip is traveled through the Joshua Forest. Although Joshua Tree National Park is most known for being in California part of it is in western Arizona, and we were fortunate enough to drive through it. U2 named their album after the trees in that forest (The Joshua Tree) and even photographed the album cover and liner notes in the Joshua forest. The tree itself is quite extraordinary, it doesn’t grow very tall and the climate to which it thrives is without much water and extreme heat; but it maintains a way to offer shade for itself on some of the bigger trees. I appreciated it’s perseverance as I correlated the way in which we are required to thrive through a loan and dreary world. Although I knew about the Joshua tree I was unaware that I would actually be driving though the forest. This was my first time driving to Arizona this route and my family told me that the last leg of the trip was the ugliest, but I will have to disagree. I was listening to the Vertigo Tour album in Chicago, to the song “Running to Stand Still” as we came upon the beauty I beheld. It was a wonderful alignment of time and space to come upon it as I did and realize where I was…
Running To Stand Still:
And so she woke up from where she was lying still;
Saying I got to do something about where were going…
Step on a steam train, step out of the driving rain
Maybe run from the darkness in the night
Singing ha la la la de day
Singing ha la la la de day
Sweet the sin, but the bitter taste in my mouth;
I see seven towers but I only see one way out.
You got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice,
you knowI took the poison from the poison stream
then I floated out of here…
Singing ha la la la de day
Singing ha la la la de day
She runs through the streets with her eyes painted red
under black belly of cloud in the rain.
In through a doorway, she brings me
white gold and pearls stolen from the sea…
She is raging, she is raging and the storm blows up in her eyes.
She will suffer the needle chill,
She is running to stand still
So there we have it… two days of my trip so far…
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