No Title... Just Read.

Welcome back to the blog. Holy almost a month! As a write this I sit in my new home reminiscing about the past little while and waiting for a client to show up for an appointment. Tomorrow I travel to Idaho to pick up my girls and bring them back here for there birthdays. I am very excited to see them, the last visit we had was too short.

The latest disagreement between their mother and I is over the amount of time that they spend here with me. When Marla first moved to Idaho it seemed like it was going to be a very easy evolution into when they would visit. As time permitted, and since they were not in school I would pick them up every third weekend for a long weekend; meaning picking them up Thursday and returning them Tuesday. Before the last visit Marla voiced to me her disapproval of that long of a visit and told me of the difficulty in their transition once they returned home. She originally suggested to me a one day exchange, meaning I travel to pick them up; they spend the next one day with me and are returned home the day after; two days of travel for one day here with me. I failed to see the reason for such a short visit and in our discussion our conversation turned much more accusatory that I will record here. Fortunately for that visit we were able to come to terms with a two day visit. That seems to be the limit that Marla wants to have them here; according to her that one or two extra days is such a huge obstacle in them being “normal” there in Idaho. As I am sitting here I am contemplating what ways there would be to overcome our inability to see the importance I have in there lives and how they need the time with me here in my home. I have been reading about the best ways for kids to handle the separation of their parents; it does them well to be here with me and for them to feel apart of this home as well as there place there. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me if Marla and I get this wrong, looking back I see the errors throughout in how things have transpired and how every step along the way has been masked as the right reason but has ultimately been wrong. Every time I pray I hope that in some way the effects of the drastic changes and distance to me that they have endured may be able to pass them by and be happy and healthy as they grow; void of some deeper issues only to surface later as confusion; trust issues or a distance to God. I also hope that I will stop allowing the dynamic between Marla to be as it is. We are co-parents of our children; she is not the sole parent with all the control over them. Knowing her; it will prove to be a very tough battle to wage in fighting for equality in the parenting and time spent with our children. I anticipate every step along the way her assertion that I chose this route and that in it’s self negates any say I might have in the direction of their lives. It’s so sad how this divorce has caused Marla and I to fight with each other using the most ugly and dark sides of our personalities. Hopefully time can give us a perspective that we don’t share at this moment. Regardless, tomorrow I get to see my sweet daughters… Great day ahead…

The past week has been very busy. My mom flew into town; we closed on the sale of the town home, packed up our house, lived out of a U-haul for a day and were finally able to move into our new place. We have spent the last days unpacking and making our house a home. Amie and I feel a great sense of peace about this home for it will be the first home that we two have shared only together. Our last two places have been scattered with past memories and hints of a life before. It has been a struggle to really let go of the regret of past mistakes and embrace the future for what it can be when every bedroom, scratch on a wall or stain on the carpet tells two separate stories of two separate lives. My memories of the past are so vivid sometimes that it is hard to believe how long ago they are. Our new home allows us to be able to have place that is not tainted with those feelings and enables us to find refuge in the resolution of the past and the dedication to today being a day looking forward. There is a certain amount of peace that comes when I think of building new memories.

I'll write more later, my client is here.