Monday after Thanksgiving weekend: My body feels like I was in a fist fight and I have reconciled myself to a renewal of sorts. It is an overcast morning with the anticipation of snowfall later this week so I start my writings again hoping to go back to my personal “default settings” and remove the bad habits of the weekend. This weekend I ate too much, slept too much, didn’t exercise enough and feel old because of it. It is also a tough time business wise to maintain focus because for five days there is not much of anything that you can do to either get new business or have progress on your current business. The first few “trots back in the saddle” after that are challenging. BUT… here I am starting with the important things; I read my scriptures, ate breakfast and am now writing in my journal. The way I figure it after starting the day this way I can expect nothing but success for the rest of the day.
I don’t normally like to record in my journal my personal transgressions but yesterday was a day I don’t want to relive. I watched football all day long; didn’t go to church, shopped on Sunday and didn’t do anything remotely close to worshipping the Lord. It is no wonder that I felt empty and spiritually void yesterday. Before I went to bed I had a self inventory and thought about how inexcusable my actions were for the day and in a prayer I offered to Heavenly Father my promise that I would never act in that way again. In thinking about it I have used my excommunication as an excuse to make it seem that I have more challenge spiritually then the next man and that I should have a built in margin of error in the way my mistakes are handled with Heavenly Father. In reality I don’t have much left in the tank spiritually yet offer up a number of excuses to legitimize my lack of adherence to what is required of me. Regardless, I have concluded that my excuses will offer no relief to the reality that I have not acted the way the Lord would have me and I have been left to deal with the consequences of omitting or committing such actions. I have decided to change these behaviors and show a higher level of dedication and go back to the way I used to be; seeking for the spiritual gifts the Lord offers and knowing that my actions are not getting in the way of the Lord blessing me. I am reminded of the saying that a true winner one who always rises again after failure, not someone who never fails.
Along those lines one of the goals that I have this Christmas season is to get to know my Savior better and one of the ways I am choosing to do that is to read the book Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage. I have started reading and I love the rich texture of the literature as it describes different aspects of the Savior’s life and mission. I relish in the writing pondering that it was written inside the Salt Lake temple and by the hand of an apostle, commissioned by the prophet. I love reading meaningful commentary and I couldn’t find a more suitable book to read alongside the scriptures to help in my understanding of my Savior. I will make sure to report on different thoughts and feelings I have as I read and record them in my journal.
To close this posting I want to leave a quote that I found:
"Like those who were alive at the time of His mortal ministry, there are some among us who look for physical peace and prosperity as signs of the Savior's wondrous power. We sometimes fail to understand that the everlasting peace Jesus promises is an inner peace, born in faith, anchored by testimony, nurtured with love, and expressed through continual obedience and repentance. It is a peace of spirit that echoes through the heart and the soul. If one truly knows and experiences this inner peace, there is no fear from worldly disharmony or discord. One knows deep down inside that all is well as far as the things that really matter are concerned." Russell M. Nelson.
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